The Relationship between Clutter and Loneliness

I learned something about myself this past month.  It was after Christmas and all the decorations were put away.  A friend had visited for a couple of days and after she left, the house was spotless.

As I walked through the house, I was struck by the barrenness.  The space was filled with aching quiet and emptiness.  Was it that my friend had left?  Was it that the house felt too spare?  I suddenly wondered if I really wanted this minimalistic life after all. 

I’ve lived alone now for many years.  Mostly, I am happy in my solitude.  As an introvert, somewhat of a loner, a creative being who needs a certain amount of solitude to create, being alone suits me much of the time.  But I still crave time spent with people.  I miss having my children around.  I miss having a partner to sit in the quiet of the evening with, to travel and share things with.  The departure of my friend, made this abundantly clear. 

To cope with the silence and the space, I immediately delved deep into a project.  A project that involved creating a great deal of clutter in at least three rooms of the house. The silence of the space wasn’t so deafening.  The emptiness of the rooms didn’t seem quite so overwhelming.  I didn’t feel so alone anymore. 

Was it the project?  Having something to delve deeply into?  Or was it the evidence of things going on around me?  Regardless, the space no longer felt quite so barren and lonely, and I was more at ease.   I learned that clutter and projects are my way of filling the void, of not feeling quite so lonely.

As I seek a more minimal lifestyle, time spent with people becomes a priority.